Forums: Index > Watercooler > My GS3 Story - if everybody hates it, sorry!

Okay so I'm a new member, though i have looked at this wiki before as golden sun is my favorite game ever. So anyway I made this account because I recently found my gs cart (yay!) and I'm playing again which led me to do something I've often thought about - trying to continue the story myself. Now I'm well aware I'm not the first one to think of doing this and there must be thousands out the but I thought id right the first part of a continuation and here it is:

“Isaac!” Jenna wasn’t sure she could buy him much more time. She was trying to hold out the water adepts but Isaac had already taken far too long. She needed a break from her constant psynergy use or she would be attacking with sparks instead of fireballs. “Nearly done.” Jenna sighed and pulled out her short sword. She had learned the basics from her brother but she could never win against so many opponents. Suddenly she was in pain again as another wave of water washed over her, hurting her all the more for her allegiance to the opposing element. She considered for the hundredth time today what had happened to Miksalla and in fact wayward itself when a quite town could be invaded by a group of vicious water adepts felt the need to take over the place and terrorize its inhabitants, but her thoughts were cut short as she saw the wall of fire protecting her had fallen. She attempted to conjure a fireball, but all she got was a brief flicker. She cursed and took up a fighting stance as the three bravest water adepts chose to approach her. They would have to brave as Isaac and she had been running riot through their ranks for the last hour or so. The first one slashed at her midsection, but she parried, pivoted and countered which seemed to take him aback for some reason, apparently just because she was drawing blanks with her psynergy, she would be a pushover at close range. Not so. She felt another blast of water and she kept shivering for nearly a minute, as she backed away from the swordsmen. When they re-engaged her she ducked and slashed their feet, drawing blood. She was about to leap back up and take a stab at a head when she felt a stab of pain in her arm. It took her few seconds but while she was crouched she realized a nervous swordsman had missed her neck. She let out a scream of pain which sounded vaguely like Isaac and she saw a sword streak from the sky and engulf several of her enemies, but not the ones immediately in front of her which left with one good arm holding a short sword and three water adepts with big swords, two good arms and the ability to cast psynergy. At that moment Isaac ran out of the inn with one hand holding his sword, and the other outstretched as the ground began to shake. Jenna backed away, as much as wanted to help Isaac, it would be suicide. She watched as Isaac, a much more skillful swordsman than her as gracefully dispatched the adepts that had wounded her. Jenna realized she was still shivering. It worried her, she felt as if she was in sub-zero temperatures rather than the heat of the sun over Miksalla. She began to bandage her arm and Isaac, still shaking the ground with one hand, helped her. “Are you alright to move?” he asked. “It’s not my leg with the hole in it. Did you get what you need?” “I think so, c’mon we need to leave.” She grunted an acknowledgment and, still shivering, got up on her feet and followed Isaac into the woods as quickly as she could manage.

And there it is. I hope you enjoyed it and i would really appreciate feedback. Thanks for reading!

I don't have so much hate, as I do caution. Having written fanfiction before, and then reading it a couple years later and being appalled by how awful it was, I have but one thing to say: Avoid canon characters like the plague. You may think it's done well, but mark my words, a few years later, you'll look back, read it, and proclaim "What the hell was I smoking?" Also... there's this thing called GRAMMAR. I went in and fixed a lot of your misspellings and corrected some of your grammar for you (for example, you're supposed to capitalize I. Oh, and psynergy is spelled 'P-S-Y-N-E-R-G-Y, not Physenergy'. It's a combination of the words 'psychic' and 'energy', and it looks like you chose 'physical' and 'energy'. I can see that if you're talking about those whom were using 'Chi' or something (perhaps someone from Xian?), since it's the power of body, but Psynergy is more like 'Ki', the power of the mind. Also, indenting your paragraphs or using double returns to separate them is highly recommended, as it makes for an easier read. For future reference, try using Firefox or a word processor program like MS Word when you write it, so you can catch some of your typos. Auto-spellcheck is your friend. RoleOfDATS 03:48, 18 January 2009 (UTC)
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